This year's practical training period is almost over for me. I just have tomorrow and next week left to go. I am not sad that it is over. It is not that the school isn't nice, or that they did not treat me well. Actually it is the best school I have been to so far. But the expectations are just so high. And because I am unsure whether I want to be a teacher after all, it means that I just fall short of those last ten percent of energy and effort and purpose. It has been very trying for me. I have not been at my best performance. I have not been at ease in the classroom. And that is unfair to the kids. But, it does not look like my partner and I are failing the training, as long as we manage to write a decent report. The report does count for half of the result, though. We want to finish the report by Wednesday. I hope we can manage it. Next week is a special topic week, though, and we have to work full schedule. We might be very tired at the end of it, and then we want to start to write the report already on the following Saturday. I hope we are not biting off more than we can chew. Well, I can't begin to tell you how much I look forward to when it is over and I get my life back.

Lately, the hubby and I have been totally engrossed in the TV series Merlin. Over a period of a couple of months, we bought all four seasons on DVD. We are now halfway through season 3. It is so good! But a lot of things changed between season 2 and season 3 (Cendred/Cenred's name among other things!) It got a lot darker, at least in the first couple of episodes. I did not like that so much. But the episodes that we watched more recently are better. They are really good, in fact. We watch one episode a day. During season two we sometimes watched two episodes in one day, but it's too quickly over with, if you keep doing that. The thing that I like so much about the series, is that so much of it is based on myth. Myths are just really good stuff! One of my favourite episodes is the one where Arthur slays a unicorn and consequently has to pass some character-strengthening tests to acquit himself of the guilt. I love the ending of that episde, where they go through the labyrinth and then sit at the table and have to agree on who gets to drink from the poisoned goblet. I like all the scenes where Arthur and Merlin are forced to show that they actually care for each other. Ha ha.

In season three the character Gwain is introduced. At first I didn't like him that much, but now I think he is quite funny. And I think he is 95% like the Flynn Ryder character in Tangled, which is funny too. You'd really think they sculpted Gwain's character over Flynn's. Gwain is really cool, not telling the folks in Camelot that he is actually a noble. And Gwain makes Lancelot seem like such a cry-baby. I used to like Lancelot for his over-achieving, chivalrous soul-searching, but Gwain is much more fun, even though if I was actually in a room with him, he would annoy me to death. Lancelot annoys me too, because I cannot help but speculate whether he will not lure Guinevere away from Arthur in the end. If he does, he will be forever in my black book, and so will Guinevere for going along with it, even though I really like her too. (Pick a man and stick with him, woman! (I know which one I'd pick.)) For all Lancelot said he would not get between them, you never know, because he is totally crazy about her. And that would just ruin everything.

I remember how it was represented in the old movie with Sam Neill. Even though you mean well and spend your entire life trying to guide the people with the power, they will eventually do something incredibly stupid, and there will be consequences that ust can't be rectified. That sort of thing can almost give me a stomach ache. So I hope there will be a happy end of sorts to the series.

Oh, and I found this lovely picture and was looking for an opportunity to post it somewhere:

I like this photo for the following reasons:

• It is from "Merlin" (10 points)
• It features a nice character (Guinevere) (5 points)
• It has a nice composition (5 points)
• It has an awesome color-scheme (5 points)
• It features candles (5 points)
• It features someone holding a quill (15 points - quills are awesome!)
• It features someone writing in a notebook (15 points - writing in notebooks is awesome!)
• The notebook is made from handmade paper (an extra 5 points)
• It features a lot af natural materials like wood, flowers, straw (5 points)
• It looks medieval
• It features a nice medieval dress (5 points)
• The person in the picture smiles in a kind way (5 points)
• The color of the flowers is beautiful (5 points)

Result: 90 points.

To get my mind off worries related to practical training, I have not only watched a lot of Merlin episodes, I have also been reading some awesome books. Among others, the Ranger's Apprentice #4: The Battle of Skandia by John Flanaghan and two books from my childhood, The children of Crow Cove #1 by Bodil Bredsdorf and The Wild Boy And Queen Moon by K.M. Peyton. Those two last ones brought back some nice memories. And it is funny to consider how your understanding and your experience of reading a book change with your age. I just started reading the Ranger's Apprentice #5: The Sorcerer in the North, and so far it is really good.

One of my friends from the "clique" bought a house recently and he moved into it (That's what people who buy houses tend to do with them, I suppose), so the rest of us (the "clique") came down and spent the weekend there to celebrate. We had a really nice time. But I dislike sleeping in strange beds and especially I dislike sleeping in a sleeping bag with no pillow. So I was quite tired when we came home on Sunday afternoon. I was also tired when we got there because I had had a busy week with the practical training, so I was the one who turned in the earliest. So I sort of feel like I missed out on half the fun. But I am happy for the fun that I did have. It was nice to meet everyone, especially Erling and Henriette, who just got married the weekend before.

Yesterday I made a quick shopping trip to the town centre on my way back from the psychiatrist. It was very fruitful. I got:

• An eye cream from Origins
• A big tub of the lovely pomegranate showergel from Matas 
• New hair ties
• A cute dress top
• A four colour eyeshadow

I love making lists. Lists are another amazing use for amazing notebooks.

Lately, since I won the Oscar for best female lead in my class (!), I have been thinking of trying my hand at acting. I think I always wanted to try it, but have been to shy, and I've also thought I'd just not be good at it. But since the "Oscar", maybe I should try and find out whether I have any talent at all, or just if it would be fun to do. I searched the internet for drama classes here in town, and found this super drama school. Sadly, they don't take pupils who are older than twenty. So my plans have kind of stalled. I thought about writing them to ask whether they know of any drama lessons for people my age. But even if they do, I don't know if I want to sacrifice the time or the energy. Well, I suppose I do. I need to do something creative on a regular basis. Well, I'll see when I get around to it.

The following I wrote in a notebook while in school on the 23rd of November 2011.

I have sometimes thought about writing the history of my family on my mother's side. On my father's side, my uncle already researched the family for many years, and last year he collected the whole work in a book which he gave a copy of to all members of the family. At first I thought of just writing the women's history. My grandmother has been gone eight years now, and I do not want to forget her. I do not want anyone to forget my mother either, because she is amazing. And I do not know anything about my great grandmother, and not even much about my grandmother's life. I know my mum told me some things, but to be honest, I do not remember any of it. So what if my mum gets hit by a car tomorrow? What can I tell my children about their ancestry? Nothing! It needs to be written down, systematically. I would start by interviewing my mother and then expand my research from there. I could even go to places and take pictures and stuff. I remember when I was a child, we sometimes went to this church yard in some town and visited an old grave, where it was almost impossible to read the inscription on the white marble headstone. But I can not remember the relation of that person to our family. And I could also write about the male family members. My mother's father was a wonderful man, so says my mother and my older sister, but I do not remember him myself, sadly. He died when I was just two or three years old. And I never bothered to ask why he and my grandmother divorced. Actually, I am not even sure that is what happened, I just do not know why else they would not be living together.

The thing is, it is an awfully big project. Just look at my uncle, he took years and years, ten at least, to make that book. And I think I have enough big projects in my life, or should I say unfinished projects, as it is. I am afraid of beginning and not finishing, like with everything else I do. But on the other hand, it would be something real. Something from the real world that relates to the real me and the people around me. It is not just like a computer game that I bury myself in, or a great series of fantasy books about people and events I will never be a part of. It is real. Real people that lived in the world, in my world, and became my ancestors.